Juggling

I'm sure I'm not the only one who often feels like their life is a juggling act. Between work, the kids and Andrew, friends and my own attempt to have a life (wait, what's that?) and to take care of myself mentally and physically, it frequently feels like I have a million balls in the air.

I know from talking to my friends that I'm not alone in feeling like a hamster on a wheel, running as fast as I can to keep up. Some days/weeks I can keep it all together and others I find myself feeling behind all week. Weekends are my saving grace but even then weekends themselves are often insane running from kids' activities to errands. What's crazier is that the weekends feel even more crazy that the weekdays and I find myself then looking forward to going back to work to have less on my plate!

What I have come to realize is that some days I'm much better equipped to keep all of these balls in the air than others.

My current to-do list (LOVE my new notepad
courtesy of the Container Store!)

It's definitely easier when I've got sufficient sleep but honestly, so few of us really get as much sleep as our bodies need. This is something that I'm consciously working on and know that I need to do better. When I have a lot to do and a lot on my mind I have a harder time letting myself go to bed. I find it harder to quiet my racing mind and fall asleep. Lists are my saving grace here. If I put it down on paper I'm less apt to forget it and I am better able to quiet my brain to sleep. What's funny is how we become our parents in so many ways as we age. I remember my mom sleeping with a pad of paper and pen next to the bed and getting up at night to turn on the light to add something to her to-do list. My dad always laughed about it as if it was a little crazy but I'm totally there. My mom still carries her lists around everywhere and the intense satisfaction she derives from putting something on the list and crossing it out when it has been accomplished is a feeling I'm all too familiar with now.

Beyond my list-making, what I've also come to realize recently is that my ability to keep all of the balls in the air and more importantly to feel like I'm able to handle the juggling act really comes down to how much time and space I've carved into my day to take care of myself. For years, I tried to do it all and inevitably found that I kept failing. Whenever I finally cracked under the weight of it all I looked for the things I could let go of and move off of my plate to make life easier. The one piece I often let go of was the self-care. Working out went away, sleep went away and spending time with friends (which I so rarely get to do anyway) also found itself on the chopping block. All of the other balls seemed so non-negotiable. I mean the laundry has to get done, we need food to eat so the grocery shopping can't be skipped, my job has to happen. What doesn't have to happen is my workout. I could go to bed an hour later to get my essays graded and skip my morning workout. Friends understand when you disappear for a while, that's what they do.

This is how I used to handle the craziness of my life.

The one area I have control over is the things I do for myself and like many moms, I used to push those things aside when the going got tough. I pushed my own needs aside to take care of other people. Great for my kids but not so great for me. What I overlooked in this coping strategy was that I was still left feeling frazzled and overwhelmed with all that needed to be done AND on top of that I then felt crummy about myself for letting myself go. I couldn't lose the baby weight. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I was lonely because I wasn't making time to see or talk to friends. Not a great solution.

So how have things changed? 

I finally realized that my strategy wasn't working. I still felt stressed. I was still getting too little sleep. I was still running around like a chicken with her head cut off and I wasn't happy to boot. So I changed. I decided I wasn't willing to give up my workout. I started setting the alarm 30 minutes earlier so I made sure that I had time to fit my workout in before the kids got up. I started looking for those small sanity saving moves that make a huge difference in my week. For me that means taking the time on the weekends to look at our schedule for the week and plot out our meals and prep as much of them as I can. I now make sure that we pack the kids' bags at night rather than the morning of. We use a Google calendar as our family calendar that sometimes makes my eyes hurt just looking at it but it keeps us on track (although with that said we still showed up for a 9am swim lesson at 9:30 last week and forgot for 2 weeks running the day our bi-weekly housekeeper comes so our system certainly isn't flawless!)

What's my point in all of this? I am still crazed a lot of the time. I mean what full-time working mother of 3 isn't at least some of the time (who are we kidding? Most of the time!) The big difference is I'm WAY more able to deal with all of that crazy because I now MAKE the time for myself. I now treat my self-care as non-negotiable. Yes, some days I do still turn the alarm off and roll over to get that extra hour of sleep because some times I just need it. Most days though I roll myself out of bed quickly because I look forward to that hour by myself in the basement with my boyfriend, Shaun T. I feel better when I start my day off with a head-clearing workout. With Andrew's help I'm better about making time to see friends, go out for drinks after work with friends here and there and at the very least, make time for phone calls with friends. I also have realized that being too busy to cook only leaves us more broke on take-out and feeling bloated and crummy about myself so I plan ahead and cook. These have become my non-negotiables and I feel good about that choice. My family feels good about that choice because I'm happier, healthier, and more patient when I take care of myself.