Confessions from my rut

I've shared that it's been a rough few weeks for me. I've been in a bit of a rut the past few weeks with my Lupus flaring up, stuff with kids, work stress, and life and I've fallen back into old habits more often than I'd like to admit. 

It's hard to admit this because I'm a coach. I have challengers who I'm supposed to be a model for and help support as they struggle with these same challenges. I'd like to be able to say that I have these challenges under control and I do, most of the time. But I'm human and I still have days and weeks where it's harder to stay on track than others. 

^^^ Me this week! ^^^

I'm just getting back into working out after 2 weeks off trying to rest up. A brief flare-up left me too tired and too achey to workout. Beyond workouts, this week I fell off the wagon mid-week with my food. First there were those darn giant M&Ms, then a cookie binge mid-week, and then bread and 2 Diet Cokes at dinner last night. 


I'm definitely in a rut. Part of it's definitely the never-ending winter but it's also a function of stress and exhaustion. When we're tired or stressed, we're less able and we to be mindful and make the right choices.

I'm still following my routine to some extent. I meal plan on Sunday. I prep food for the week. But over the past 2 weeks I've been planning meals and then the thought of actually cooking them is exhausting. This is not normally a problem for me. I LOVE to cook. I LOVE how eating cleanly makes my body feel. I know that when I eat well and workout daily, that I feel strong, healthy and ready to face the world. When I skip workouts, when I eat more processed foods and sweets, my energy dips, I crave bad foods, and it's hard to stay focused and positive. Instead I eat foods I don't want or need, workout but don't feel like my mind is ever really in the game, and my internal dialogue also becomes less positive and forgiving and I find myself beating myself up for these little slips rather than cutting myself a break as I know I

Reality check: no baby
elephants here.

My warped mental state:
what I feel like I look like.

Yes, even in this rut, my intellectual self knows that I'm still light years better than I once was. I typically eat cleanly 75% of the day but as afternoon winds down and I head home from work to deal with the dinner/homework help/bedtime/grading stuff that is my normal night, that will to stay on track just goes out the window. I find myself mindlessly eating not when I'm hungry. I KNOW I'm not hungry but I'm emotionally hungry. I'm eating to fill a need. Where I usually channel my desire to cook as a stress relief into healthy cooking, instead I found myself making oatmeal chocolate chip cookies on a Wednesday night this week. 

So here's the thing, I could throw my hands up and call it a day. Easter is just around the corner. There's all of those Cadbury Eggs to eat. I mean why miss out? They only come once a year, right?  

It would be easy to say I'll start over on Monday. I'm not sure why it is but there's just something about Mondays. It's the clean slate, start date on record. But what is it about Mondays? Why is it that so many of us feel like we can only start something new on a Monday? 

The problem is that if we're always waiting for Mondays, what happens if we get derailed on Tuesday? Do we throw our hands up and wait another week?

But the thing is, there's always something. There's always going to be drinks after work with friends, dinner out with friends on the weekend, or a family party that's on the horizon. 

We're always going to have slip ups - we're human and that's only natural. What's not healthy is to let those slip ups become our new normal. Or to let those slip ups allow us to think or speak ill of ourselves. We're only human and these struggles are a part of life. 

If we allow ourselves to talk ourselves down, we're never going to believe in ourselves enough to pick back up a try again. If we are always waiting to start, we will never see the change we want. Yes, it is hard to stay committed and on track and there's always something trying to derail us, whether it be stress, our own emotions, our family and friends, parties, etc.. What matters is that we keep fighting the good fight, that we reach out to those around us when we can't find the strength in ourselves to go it alone. 

As I told one of my students this week: it's not a sign of weakness to ask for help. Instead, it's a sign of strength and strong character to recognize when you need help and to reach out for it. 

So what's my plan? Well, I'm getting my head on straight today. I'm figuring out a meal plan for next week. I have my workout calendar printed and posted by the TV. I'm going to shop and prep my healthy meals tomorrow like I always do. I'm also going to lean a little more heavily on my fellow coaches and challengers this week until I'm back in the saddle.