Accepting our own vulnerability

So Andrew sent me this link to a great TED talk a few weeks ago which I finally got around to watching this week. It's all about the importance of accepting and embracing our own vulnerability as a means to achieve wholeheartedness. Brene Brown, a research professor at the Univ. of Houston, gives a funny and thought-provoking talk on her own struggle to accept her own vulnerability and imperfections. As a bit of a type-A personality (yes, I know, I'm more than a bit but work with me people!), I appreciated and related to her struggle to accept her imperfections and challenges.

Basically, she asserts that it's not until we're able to accept and embrace our own vulnerabilities and imperfections that we can really engage in out lives in a way that is authentic and worthwhile.

Her assertion is that we can't really open ourselves up to love unless we're willing to accept that we are enough, imperfections and all. If we don't love ourselves, how can we really be open to allowing someone else to love us? Makes total sense, right? Yet too often we don't love ourselves. We may be ok with some aspects of ourselves but we at the same time are our own worst critics.


I relate to this since I know that I'm one of the worst offenders. I have been told by others that I come off as an extremely confident person yet I'm far from that under the surface. I am uncomfortable in new social situations, envy those who are able to sustain casual conversation with people, and as some who know me are aware, have a tremendous fear of public speaking, which carries over to situations where there are more than a few people listening (awesome fear for a teacher, right?!) I also for years have been beating myself up about my inability to lose weight, get rid of my flabby baby belly, and get my butt in gear to work out and cook consistently. So yes, we're our own worst critics.

I've seen this even more so in the few short months I've been coaching. Reading the health and fitness goals of my friends and now challengers, I've seen that I'm not alone in presenting one way on the outside and looking entirely differently under the surface. People who I thought were confident and happy, like me, are also struggling with an internal monologue which is entirely unforgiving.

So, as Brene Brown posits, if we see ourselves as unworthy of positive affirmation, how can we open ourselves up enough to share ourselves with friends? On an intellectual level, we all know that we are worthy of love and joy but yet we're not actively getting there. What do we need to do to recognize that we're enough?

For me, it's taken years to get there and I'm still not totally there. I can see and feel real progress in my mindset over the past year though. Most of the time I feel good about who I am and the body I'm in. I've worked hard to get where I am and I feel good about that. Now, instead of beating myself up for skipping a workout or having an off week with food or mentally dressing myself down for my pants not fitting the way I want, I get back on the wagon and make the next day better than the previous one. I can't give all the credit to Beachbody for this change. In part, I think I just got sick of giving up and giving in. But it was definitely the support of a group of women who were struggling with similar challenges that helped get me there. I think I needed to hear that I wasn't alone, that others struggled with their own inner monologues. Having that extra support and the accompanying accountability helped me get over that hump.


Now, I'm happy to be able to provide that support to those around me. I can see my challengers on a daily basis confronting their fear, and working to accept their vulnerabilities. It's a wonderful thing to see these changes happening in myself and in others.