In a funk

So I’m going to put it out there. I’m a do-er. I would say that I’m probably annoying in that respect to many around me.

My idea of a good day is one in which I do about a million things. I’m a list-maker, a trait I inherited from my mother. She is someone who ALWAYS has at least one to-do list lying around. More often she has several. If she does something which wasn’t on the to-do list, she adds it to the list in order to be able to reap the satisfaction of crossing it out. As a kid, I my siblings and I always joked about mom’s lists.

This is now just one of the ways I’ve become more like my mom as I’ve aged. I too am a list-maker. I have multiple to-do lists running at all times. I have post-its attached to my computer screen, paper to-do lists that I am constantly updating and making anew. I also have embraced the Stickies app on my computer and my screen is at all times covered by colorful stickies organized by area of life (school, home, Beachbody, kids, etc.)

So the reason I offer this window into my neurotic mind is to say this, I do well with structure, plans and clearly outlined goals. I feel comfortable with to-do lists and weekends where we run from activity to activity and when my “free” time is spent catching up with a friend while prepping food for the week or getting the laundry done while also cleaning the basement.

What I do NOT do well with is lack of structure. I’m rarely able to sit around without a plan. This is just one of the things Andrew has been forced to accept about me. He, like probably most normal people, likes sitting on the couch watching the game or coming home Friday night and vegging. Me? Not so much. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy the occasional lazy weekend movie or watching TV before bed to unwind. But I also often find doing things to be relaxing and sitting around anxiety producing.

When I initially made the decision to take a leave of absence from work and stay home with my kids, a friend of mine told me it sounded heavenly not to work. Our conversation highlighted for me how differently we were programmed in some respects. I’ve always said that if I won the lottery (something that Andrew genuinely believes is his destiny) I would most definitely keep working because I know that I’d go crazy if I wasn’t working (plus I love my job so why give it up?) What would I do with myself at home? While I love having summers off with my kids, I’m antsy by August. I’m ALWAYS ready to go back to work by the time school rolls around. I think I’m probably in the minority there. There’s just not enough going on at home to feel completely fulfilled.

So all of this is to say that I like plans, structure, and the satisfaction of crossing things off my to-do list.

I’m struggling a little lately though. I’ve got lists, plenty of them. My lists have things that should get done, some that really need to get done and a bunch of small things I could take or leave in importance. The problem is that my motivation, the drive to do that I normally can muster has slipped. I still WANT to do these things but I am having trouble prioritizing and then doing.

I don’t think it’s that I’m paralyzed by how much needs to get done since I’m familiar with that feeling. I was there about a month ago and I know that fortunately when I get in that place it’s always temporary – it takes me a few days to sit idle stuck in in-action but then I’ll kick into high gear and get it done.

Where I’m at now is strange territory for me. I want to do but can’t find the drive to actually do anything. Even worse, when I do do something, I don’t get that familiar feeling of satisfaction which helps push me to move on to the next thing when I finish the first. I feel like I’m floundering a bit.

So why am I sharing this recent bout of laziness with you? Well, I’m sure this is something that many probably deal with on a daily basis:

• Desire without the motivation to do.

• Uncertainty about where or how to start.

I see a lot of parallels to how many people feel about eating healthier or getting in shape. We want to do and we can dream of the end result of doing but we can’t then muster the energy or figure out how to come up with a game plan to get there.

I totally get it. When you’re in foreign territory it’s hard to know where to start. When something feels new to you, even if it’s something that could be good for you in the long-term, it may not feel good right away. So you find yourself wondering whether it’s the right thing to be doing and questioning whether it’s worth it to keep going along this path. Would it be easier to abandon ship and try something else? Who knows?

So what’s my plan to get myself out of this funk? Well, I’m doing what I know has worked for me in the past. I’m making lists. I’m prioritizing the need to do now vs. the could do later. I’m plugging along. I’m shopping, food prepping, doing laundry and forcing myself to do the work that needs doing. I’m also asking for help from those around me with the bigger tasks to help me make sure they get done and to help inspire me to do more. I know I hate letting other people or myself down so this helps to insure I don’t drop the ball.

Why you ask? Well, because not doing isn’t going to make me feel any better. It’ll leave me with a list that’s even longer than it is now. When I finally do find that internal motivation again I don’t want to wake up feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed by how much I haven’t done and still need to do. I also know that I will FEEL better if I do these things.

Again, consider the parallels to health & fitness. If you don’t know where to start and therefore opt to do nothing and continue on your current path, yes, you have nothing to lose but also nothing to gain. If you don’t like your body now, doing the same old same old out of fear or lack of motivation means you may avoid a few months of floundering at the gym but you’re also going to be stuck in the same place 6 months from now.

So what could you do to avoid this outcome? Follow my lead and do the thing that you think or know will eventually work for you. Set the alarm 30 minutes earlier in the morning and go for a run, push play on a home workout program, or join the gym and set up a few sessions with the trainer so you know where to start.  Look at the foods you’re bringing home and start small – shop the outside of the store (produce, meats, dairy) and try to only go into the center aisles for the necessities. Or go even smaller and instead of cracking open the bottle or wine or digging out the ice cream scooper every night, put it away and make yourself some tea or call a friend.

There’s a John Maxwell quote that I came across a few weeks ago that seems particularly relevant:

“Nothing ever happens until someone makes a decision. In fact, by not making a decision, a decision is being made not to take action. Be someone who leads your life and not someone who simply accepts what happens. If you wait for life to happen to you, it will, however, it will not be the life you desire... Successful people understand that you never go anywhere until you decide where it is you want to go.”

My funk will eventually end. Heck, I may just wake up tomorrow rearing to go. Or I won't. Who knows? What I do know is that I am someone who wants to lead my life. I am not sitting back passively letting life happen to me. So whenever this funk does end, I’ll ready to go with my sights set on the horizon.

If you’re interested in talking about how to motivate to create the life you desire, message me and let’s set up a time to talk.

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